Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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