Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
