remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize