Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
