don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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