She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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