I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
