i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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