Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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