During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
