i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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