So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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