um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
