I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize