How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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