literally had 100 drinks last night.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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