She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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