If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
