i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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