But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
