Ketchup is God's man juice
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize