So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
