this beer tastes like vomit already
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
