oh god the rape fog is back!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
