i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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