omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
