we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
