I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
