Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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