ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sarcasm needs its own font
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
