I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
