i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
