Need sex. Gaining weight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize