im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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