I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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