good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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