I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
