eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
