yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am one with the molecules
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
