Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
