Cold hands, warm shart.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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