My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
