you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dicks are not precious.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
