so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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