dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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