He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
wow bdsm is so cute
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
