shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Two words: nipple clamps
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