who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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