remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
