Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
