i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
