Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
