I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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