Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
