How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
