i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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