Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Green mimosas i think yes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
