remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I AM VODKA MAN
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
