What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize