did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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