I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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