very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
