Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
