Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
