Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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