New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
